She's trying to sneak rawhides on the plane!

I was reading "Newsweek" this morning, which I'd like to say is a common occurrence, but I'd be lying.  They had an article about the new full-body scanners at airports, and they showed . . . a picture . . . of what the TSA people see.

I will not be flying again.

This picture is detailed enough that if I have an ingrown hair in a certain area that shall not be mentioned, TSA will be there with tweezers to pluck it out.  It's truly horrifying how vivid these pictures are.

This all made me think about America and how we are often THAT GUY.  You know the one.  The guy who pulls out his turbo-charged, titanium-bladed saw in order to cut a stray thread.  Can someone tell me what was wrong with good old German Shepherds?  They smell everything.  They can be very menacing when necessary.  And you pay them in milk bones.  All we needed at airports are DOGS!  And the bonus would be that they could also let you know if you are pregnant or have a cancerous tumor.  It would be like one-stop shopping.

Sure, people might question whether those sharp noses would catch the knife and the box cutter.  But see, I don't think that's what we need to look for.  The next idiot who pulls out a knife on board a plane is going to end up hogtied with Little Jane's shoelaces from seat 14C and will have Jim, the rotund man in 17A, sitting resolutely on the idiot's back.  Roy, 2B, who needs some anger management classes, might or might not kick the idiot in the shins for the heck of it.  We've seen what happens in a post 9-11 world when someone pulls out a knife.  It isn't pretty for the idiot.

So, until Fido is my TSA guard - I will either not be flying or will write a big F U on my stomach in magic marker just to let the guards know what I think of their snazzy version of a turbo-charged, titanium-bladed saw.